So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
