kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
