saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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