The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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