I feel like I'm in dance class right now
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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