why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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