Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
