he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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