Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
