I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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