I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
