this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
