...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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