You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
