There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
