im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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