The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There's always time for handjobs
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
