Life is so much better after having sex.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
