your parents love me but you hate me
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
