what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
