I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
