i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
