is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
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I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
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it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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