you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
