So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
