I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize