i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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