he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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