you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
