Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
