I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
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We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
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I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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