I just cut my nipple shaving
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
