Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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