How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
