We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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