the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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