he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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