Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm too high and old for this...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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