Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
