I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
