So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
