Me. At least after what I've been through.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.