a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I love having hate sex.
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I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
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i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?