I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
