I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.