girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
