i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
