I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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