there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
