im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
