She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
