someone threw a dead crab at me
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
