You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize