So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
