my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My breasts were aching with rage.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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