mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Also, beer. Big fan.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
