We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
