I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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