I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
