oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
