Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
This toilet bowl is my home.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
