i just wanna soil my oats bro
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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