so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
