Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It's just like the Real World with babies
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sext me about skeletons
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
