My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
